Sacred-Beast

But first... FUCK YOU DA. You and your shitty ads that won't let me close the page, or even fucking navigate away from it. You can go to hell because you made me restart my computer -stabstabstab-

Aaaanyway and as I was saying.
-Keep losing weight
-Finish mah Pokedex
-Kill the writers block
-Get better at arts

And that's it.

In the rain, in semi-darkness <3
It was fun.

So I got a pair of stockings, $20, and chocolate. From my family? No. Or course not. I left my house on the 24th, and as soon as I get back I'm going to be bitched at about how I ruined christmas yet again. Because that's totally it. Me. That's what I do. I fuck everything up for my family. Not my fucking borderline schizo mother, not the horrible place we live it. It's going to be me.
But you know what? This is so fucked up and stupid, I'll just take it and be cheerful like I do every time she gets like that.

Yeah, merry christmas to everyone else, too.

So I must have seriously ACTUALLY fainted. Because the last thing I remember was doing things on Gaia, and then the next minute I'm panicking because I have no idea why I'm asleep.
So apparently I should not spend several hours coding things, because that's what happens.

Also, I had an awesome dream. I was in this castle that was turned into a girls dorm for some school, and it was all Pokemon style and stuff. Like, it looked like it could have been in Black and White. And I was trying to find all the items. But I wasn't supposed to be there 'cause I'm a guy, so one of the school police was after me. And guess who it was. Sharky from NG T_T Seriously. In. My. Dream. Ohgod.

It. It sucks. So much.
I understand people think I'm smart. Yeah, and I guess I am. But I'm also just so incredibly, unimaginably stupid. Just... augh.

Okay, okay. So before anyone goes and disagrees with me on this.
I pretty much lack the ability to pay attention to much if it isn't somehow related to electronics. Not much else is all that interesting to me. I like games immensely and I can sit and play them for literally eight hours at a time without having to move at all. I've gone on three to four day binges of gaming before with no sleep and very little food before. I hate TV but I can sit and watch it for hours no matter what's on. You turn on the news and I will happily watch it, you turn on comedy and I'll enjoy it, you turn on drama and I will not particularly like it but I won't bother to change the channel or turn off the TV. I like to listen to the radio quite a bit. I'll listen to pretty much whatever's on so long as it isn't country, terrible rap, or static. If I have a computer I'll usually be sitting around talking to people, messing with coding, or making digital art.
But when I'm not being nearly physically attached to something electronic my brain pretty much just... shuts down. And when I do think there are really only three ways the thinking will go.
1. About the situation I'm in and hoping that things can work out for everyone involved. And I spend a lot of time forcing myself to have a completely optimistic point of view.
2. Thinking about my OC's. These thoughts do not last very long ever. Because if it's a character that I am particularly close and attached to, like Danny or Han'i, I almost feel like it's an invasion of their privacy to try and form stories around them when I already know what's happened to them so well. Pretty much I've only been thinking about Axel lately 'cause he's kinda fun. But anyway. Like I said. Usually don't think about my characters for long simply because my brain stops being creative after a while and I can't think of anything to do with them.
3. Scientific or mathematical stuff. And this stumps me completely as to why I would think about that kind of stuff. But a lot of the time I'll find myself figuring out the cubic area of a room, or wondering why clouds appear white (teehee, figured that out in less than five minutes), or about micropropagation, or... or... you know, stuff 17 year old boys don't think about.
And the rest of the time? Nothing. At allll. Just this blankness. A lot of the time people say I look angry and ask me what's wrong and the truth is that I'm just fine if not a bit vegetative. It's completely true that nothing is consciously going on in my brain. And that alone worries me quite a bit. I've no idea what's wrong with me, if anything is at all. But I'm just so fucking apathetic towards pretty much everything. I'm taking a proficiency exam to get out of highschool because I can't do the work or even really stand the classes. They're a waste of my time. I'm getting nothing out of it at all. Education? Please, as if. My English and grammar are adequate, and I was learning trigonometry in eighth grade. If I need to learn anything then I can do it on my own through the use of internet and books. And in terms of books, I have a bookshelf with four shelves. And every shelf is filled, if not overflowing. I've read at least half of what's there and the rest of reference material. I doubt anyone my age keeps a copy of Gray's Anatomy, medical dictionaries, books on various religions, mythology, and guides to nature on the same shelf. I doubt kids my age even have books like that. And besides that, I have a shelf (top shelf, half full of books and currently also being used to hold things I'm trying not to lose) of books that I actually liked. Which is few. Very few. Among them the three .hack//twilight manga, a set of three religious books I highly agree with though I am not religious, and the first of the Dark Tower series. And the other two shelves are overflowing with fiction and nonfiction, which I have either read already or intend to read.
And now I'm staring at my screen wondering where I was going with this. Because I can't think of anything now. I probably had some sort of goal here but it's lost in pointless text now. And I am so tired from not sleeping much lately. I should do that more.